What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 01:02
And i lived it daily.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Have you ever really seen aliens or UFOs by yourself? Can you share your experience?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was seconnd youngest,
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why do people have polyamorous relationships?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
It was going to be , some day.
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He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She married twice! .
Is there anything you did that you regret? If so, what is it, and why?
(And it was in our own minds.)
Ive learnt so much.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
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This is soul school!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
What was your embarrassing moment in front of your father-in-law as an Indian daughter-in-law?
Put me off passion for life!!
All the time i was locked up.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
When was the first time your wife had beastiality?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He resisted the act ,that day.
She was in good health!
Is depression a cause for always feeling tired?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why does a straight man like anal penetration?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
What does it feel like when a guy cums in your ass?
I think the readers, may guess!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
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It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Why are people becoming increasingly hostile to pro-lifers? I am pro-life.
So whats the point in blame.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Why do so many autistic adults deal with self-hatred?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was very sick at this time too.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She wouldn,t have been !
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I have no regrets .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Who then, do I blame.?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I don,t even have a pension.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I write beautiful poetry .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But, we were locked up after school.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I never cut or harmed myself..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I couldn’t, believe it.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Comes on , in middle age.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I waited trembling.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She loved him until the end.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But it wasn’t much.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I said to her
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Was to survive, this bastard.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As i do to all so called friends.?
We all went to grammer schools
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She found it foreign!.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We were not on the streets..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I will be 64.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
What did i know ?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Im still living with it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
When she asked me how she looked .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My family never makes their pension either.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I was scared of men, in general
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Would this be the day?
My life is so biszare .
So, i spoilt her more .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Why did i forgive my father ?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I was 9 years of age.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Especially a lifetime of it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He knew the spot.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
One cannot live in the past .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.